Sunday, March 30, 2008

From What Direction, To Where

Some springs more than others, it feels like I go through an internal sea change. Sometimes endings, sometimes beginnings, though they often mesh together tightly enough it's hard to feel for the telltale ridge of the the borderline between them.

This year feels like a big one.

I'm feeling like cleaning out. Looking around my apartment and trying to see it stripped: the essentials laid bare, the rest piled by the door, ready for the short trip to the thrift store.

Some years are about expanding. This year is about focus. What kind of life do I want to lead? What kind of person do I want to be? I have a limited amount of energy: where should I spend it?

This renewal is never more than partially successful, of course. I am who I am, which at 33, has a core that will never change, no matter how strong the winds, how high the waves. For me, it is the effort to change, the small changes that come out of wanting to make big changes; these things are what will carry me through the next season's storms and lulls.


zoom said...

"the small changes that come out of wanting to make big changes"

I never thought about it that way before, but yes! you're right, that's exactly how it works. (And it's exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you Megan.)

Asteroidea Press said...

You're welcome! I'm glad the post came in handy.