Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Breaking Up in the 21st Century

When Eric and I first started dating, I was really happy that he was gung ho to be my virtual boyfriend as well as my real life boyfriend.

Last night, I asked to be in charge of breaking us up online. I don't know why, but I would rather be the one to click "Cancel Relationship."

I've had the "Edit Relationships" page opened and closed I don't know how many times. I keep looking at that ominous phrase and thinking, "Just do it, Butcher. It's over."

It's like wanting him not to leave last night. I don't want to cancel the relationship.

Lesson learned: do not post your relationship status on Facebook.

Part of it, too, is that I dread that little message being sent around all over Facebook to our mutual friends and acquaintances. Funny, because I'm blogging it, and theoretically, more people could read this than see that one line message. But it's so so cold.

Here, at least, you can understand the context, know that neither of us wanted it to turn out like this, know that when we parted ways last night we both figured on crying a lot. That we both recognize it is better to break up with someone when you still like each other than to wait for resentment to bury the good you once loved.

It's gotta be done, and I'm gonna have to do it. But it may take me a few days to get my finger to stop hovering and actually depress the button that forces the click that severs another layer of me and Eric.

I managed to do it. I fixed my privacy rules and waited till Eric was online so he could delete the story quickly if he so chose. He so chose. Thankfully. And now, according to facebook, my relationship status doesn't exist.

I feel bereft. I miss him, so much.

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