Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Worst Student in the World

By and large, I have made a career of being a very good student. It's been, as my therapist might say, one of those pillars on which my sense of self rests.

I've only fucked the dog on two other courses in my life. There was algebra and geometry in high school, which I dropped after getting a C on a test. Then several years later came Canadian Colonial Poetry, which I ended up taking in 4th year uni because it was the only Canadian course that fit my schedule, and during which I decided, for various reasons, to *not* hand in the final essay. I got a D, I believe, but maybe a C. I passed, at any rate.

Last night, I gave up on my computer programming course. It's too late for me to drop it, and I still have three assignments and two tests to hand in. The prognosis for passing is not good.

I had decided this in my head, and felt a bit weepy about it, as I had those other two times. Was I so stupid that I couldn't do it? So I'd look at Assignment 3 once more and still not have the foggiest notion of how to go about solving it, and think "it's too late." and "oh well."

I called Eric not long after, and during our conversation told him pretty much what you just read. Saying it out loud - "I have given up on my course" - sounded incredibly jarring when the words came out of my mouth and poked me in a soft soft spot. Eric was pretty surprised, I think, since this is pretty out of character for me.

Today I'm feeling better, and am going to give it another shot. I worked at home today, straight from 6:30 to 2:30, and now will go for a walk to rest my back and get some sunshine. Then I will have a few hours to try and pull some computer programs out of my ass.

I am still unlikely to pass, but it's probably better than not trying.


Aggie said...

You rule! All of this without one single coffee bean.
Although I think there can be something liberating about failing, I admire your positive, second run at this. But if you fail the fucker, I think that could have some cachet, too. It's a win win.

Aggie said...

OK, I think I wrote that last comment on too many beans... I do think that you rule, but I also feel your pain on this. I will say no more. Just that.

Rance! said...

Megan, keep on trying despite everything!
I'm in a similar situation as you right now. This Design Economics project is killing my soul, and spending 13 hours in a computer lab is not how I want to live life, but alas, let's just keep imagining that sweet sweet end when they'll all be over.

Then you and I can go on an exclusive confetti-throwing fuck-you-terrible-school-courses date!