Saturday, November 24, 2007

Jamine's Blog

When I started yoga nearly a couple of years ago, I didn't expect it to be life-altering. I expected to be able to touch my toes. But I definitely became one of those annoying people newly converted to something and extolling that something's benefits whenever they can.

Jamine was my yoga teacher for a long time and I think she's great. She engages enthusiastically with yoga in all areas of her life, in practical and realistic ways that manage to encompass the spiritual and the humourous at the same time.

She wrote a couple of posts last week that hit me in some kind of right spot. Practice, Practice, Practice struck a particularly loud chord, all notes ringing in the last paragraph:

So don't be attached to your practice but stay committed! There's a difference. Committing will keep you going deeper, allowing you to notice and respect other practices and keep you out of suffering and being attached will, well it may in time lead to misunderstandings and suffering...

I've been muddling through something similar in my head for several weeks now, but couldn't figure out how to phrase it neatly in a digestible form.

As you can probably tell from my blogs lately, I've been in a not-so-happy place. I am finally trying to be just sad - not protective, not defensive - about a sadness I have been carrying with me for many years.

It's fucking hard. I feel breathless and panicked on occasion. It makes me alternate between holding on tight to all the good things I have and wanting to jettison them; both moves poor attempts to stave off loss.

What Jamine expresses up there, the idea of commitment without attachment, is the balance I am looking for, am hopefully passing through mourning towards.

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