Dudliness

I had one of those incredibly dudly nights last night. One of those nights where you're just Not On. I trundled over to the Shanghai for dinner at 8:30 and met up with a grand group of folks, Shelley and Steve and Mitch and Irene and Simmi, who I know are great and funny and warm people, and Caitlyn, who I am just getting to know. I've only ever had a couple conversations with her, but she was fucking killing me at dinner. Very funny, off-kilter, off-the-cuff comments. Eric from the Herb joined us a little after, and he was very quiet, but nice too.

At one point, I looked around and realized how lucky I was to be able to walk two blocks from my house and hang out in a nice place and stuff myself full of good food and bask in the company of all these people.

And then I realized that other than flashing everyone my new tattoo, I didn't really have a lot to offer. I spent most of the evening aiming for intelligible. I realized at about 9.30 that clever was so far out of my reach I couldn't even remember where I'd stored it.

A crying shame, since there was a very pretty girl there that I'd seen around before but never talked to, and we ended up having a fairly long conversation. She's really interesting and smart and I believe I proved myself to be the blandest person she has ever met.

Not On. Off.

Today, the dudliness has lingered.

Went to the Ladyfest craftsale and left damn soon after. Some great stuff there, but I couldn't manage to process any of it. It was too much. Colour, texture, people. All too much. In the first wave of "Gaugh, get me out!" I saw last night's pretty girl, and rather than try to show her that I am neurotic as well as dull, I turned the other way. To see my ex's new girlfriend behind her table. At least it was busy enough that we didn't have to pretend not to see each other. Which is what we've been doing for the past few months.

I will not be going back to the LFO craft sale. It's a great thing, but fuck me. So many people slurping along through the aisles like one articulated slug. That is my worst feeling. I ran into Amy T. who was freaking out as much as I was. To distract ourselves, we fingered some skirts and pretty t-shirts and bemoaned the fact that we were christmas shopping and not self-shopping. And then I got the fuck out of dodge.

The rest of my Christmas shopping went fine, though I awkwarded a conversation with Sean Z. at Octopus. He was incredibly complimentary about the zine, and I just did not know what to say.

Off.

Then I ran into one of my yoga teachers, who has been correctly described as "an adorable handsome poptart of a young man". He also happens to be very nice and very helpful. We rounded a corner in the Herb and nearly kabonged into each other. The moment I saw him was the same moment that I had warmed up enough from the outside chill for my nose to drip. Very attractive. Between sniffs and swipes, however, I was able to keep up a bit of small talk.

So. This afternoon, I am going to practice the bass that I am still in love with. Then I am going to have a nap and hopefully the sleep demons will hit my reset button and I will go to the Acorn show and be Not Off. On.